Success isn’t always what it seems

As you can see, it’s been a long while since I’ve posted. There are a number of reasons, but mainly, life has taken over.

I’ve always promised myself I’d never force words onto a page just to keep an audience engaged. If I write, it’s because I have something to say. Today, I feel compelled to express myself because too often I’m told how lucky I am to be successful.

I hear it: “Dionne, you’ve done so well for yourself. You must be so pleased.” I understand why people come to that conclusion. From the outside looking in, it makes sense. I’ve worked my way up the corporate ladder, but the higher I climb, the lower I sometimes feel, a feeling I’m sure others share.

Now, this isn’t a pity party. I know I’ve achieved things I’m proud of. I’ve worked incredibly hard for every opportunity and every reward. But sometimes, success isn’t always what it seems. I genuinely love what I do, and I know I’m good at it. Yet despite the rewards, there are still barriers because I operate in spaces where people who look like me haven’t traditionally been expected to succeed. E,D&I conversations are far from enough.

I dislike the idea of being seen as “the exception.” The truth is, I’m not.

Black women are challenging expectations every single day. We’re showing up, excelling, leading and working to redefine what success looks like. I’m a young(ish) working-class Londoner, an outspoken woman of colour who sees the world through a different lens. I value realism. I’m deeply empathetic and pragmatic. I see people as the wonderfully complex human beings they are. I love my perspective. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Yet, there are still moments when I feel I’m fighting to prove the value I’ve already earned. Sometimes I question whether that feeling is real or simply the residue of years spent navigating spaces where I wasn’t always reflected. But I’ve learned not to ignore my instincts. They usually tell me something worth paying attention to.

And if I’m honest, sticking your neck out to express thoughts you know are different can be exhausting. Sometimes I ask myself, “Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Di?” It’s a question I wrestle with more often than I’d like to admit. Then I remember… I’m not just here for me. I’m here for the people who come after me. For the person who needs to see someone like them in the room. For the person who’s questioning whether they’re enough. For the person who’s just as capable, sometimes even more qualified, but still feels overlooked because they’re “different”.

Being a minority in spaces that don’t reflect you comes with challenges that are often invisible to those who have never walked you path. It can feel like being a square peg in a round hole.

I’m the Chandler of my family and friendship group. The support is there, but it often comes from people who have never had to navigate my world. They care deeply, but they can’t always understand the weight of experiences they’ve never had to carry. People see the impressive job title. They see the financial benefits. They see what looks like success. They don’t always see the emotional labour, the self-doubt, the constant pressure to prove yourself or the courage it takes simply to keep showing up as your authentic self.

I like to believe that those who broke barriers before us understood this too. They accepted that the journey wouldn’t be easy, but they persevered anyway.

I’m writing this for anyone reading these words and quietly thinking, “I know exactly what she means.”

Please don’t give up. Don’t give in. You don’t have to squeeze yourself into boxes that were never designed for you. Believe in your sauce, but equally, don’t stay in places that constantly send your nervous system into survival mode. Don’t get so caught up in the hype of external perception that you lose sight of your internal peace.

I may not know you personally, but I understand you. I hope these words remind you that you are worthy of every opportunity you work for. I hope they remind you to honour your feelings. Remember that every challenge teaches you something about yourself so embrace it rather than dismissing it. Ignoring what you’re feeling because you’re “lucky to be successful” only comes at your own expense. Every setback reveals your resilience. Trusting yourself is one of the most powerful things you’ll ever learn to do.

And when you truly understand your environment, have the courage to move towards spaces that see you, appreciate you and recognise your value. Because success isn’t always defined by a job title, a salary or what appears impressive from the outside. Success is finding a place where you can breathe. Where you don’t have to shrink yourself. Where your gifts are recognised. Where you can be fully yourself.

Where you know, without question: This is where I’m meant to be.

Sending love and light, always.
DiDi